Christmas Eve
It was Christmas eve and my sister dragged me along to check if Santa ate her cookies. Spotting a bizarre figure in the darkness, I immediately turned the lights on. My little sister gasps and she was shocked to see our dad consuming the cookies. My sister fills up with sadness and yells,
"Why would you eat Santa's cookies?"
"Why would you eat Santa's cookies?"
My dad rushes to comfort her by giving her cookies, which only made her cry even more. Not wanting to be in this crazy situation, I turn around and head back to my room and consider that my dad is on the naughty list.
Good story but, the sentence " I thought my sister was ok" I was wonder why shes not ok, i just think that it doesnt say that she is upset or hurt.
ReplyDeleteOther than that I really like your story.
I havnt read a story like it!!!!
I really like the concept of your story though some parts are confusing such as the part where you said I thought my sister was ok.
ReplyDeleteI love your story! there is lots of action in this story! I think you could have a stronger beggining but otherwise, great story!
ReplyDeleteI think your story is very descriptive and a great idea. I never would have thought of this idea. I don't really have anything bad to say only that you should read it outloud.
ReplyDeleteA great story that had me laughing at your ending. Very well written. I love how you have the character considering the dad on the naughty list. There were so many ways to end your story but you picked the perfect one. Also, great word choice for "consuming the cookies" and "fills with sadness". One grammatical thing to work on is the punctuation needed after "yells".
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