Construction Man
"Ashley, if you reach the top by the end of the day, I'll do your chores for a year." Melanie said to me.
"Deal." I say, determined to reach the top.
I started to climb the stairs, occasionally stopping to stare at the beautiful flowers, then I finally reached the top. I was greeted with a man yelling at the top of his lungs.
"Hey, we're doing construction here!"
"Okay, Okay!" I say petrified and rushed down the stairs.
"Well, Melanie never said anything about having to stay at the top." I say to myself laughing.
Okay I like your concept but the part where you say "Well, Melanie never said anything about having to go to the tube.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. But your last line is a bit confusing. Because I'm not sure where "The tube" came from and I don't get what "Having to go down the tube" means, but other than that great story!
ReplyDeleteYour story is very good. I really like the language. One thing is that the very last line was a little confusing with the tube. Maybe you should clear that up, and read it out loud. Good story though.
ReplyDeleteYour story is very descriptive and I like how you talked about the flowers which very few people did talk about. At the ending you talk about the tube. I'm not quite sure what you're talking about and I'm not saying take it out but maybe you should add more description about the tube. Also at the ending you should talk about where the man was standing that was doing the construction and make the conversation a little longer. Your story was very creative and I enjoyed it!
ReplyDelete