The High Dive
"Can I have your things when you die?" My sister asked.
"You wish." I reply.
I walked to the high dive and as I join the queue, my mind was yelling at me not to do it but my feet stayed put. It was my turn to dive or as I would've said my turn to die.
My feet left the board, my eyes closed shut, taking a breath and I land in the water.Opening my eyes I notice a light coming towards me. Suddenly I'm on my back with sunshine beaming into my eyes and waves of water from the pool splashing me.
My feet left the board, my eyes closed shut, taking a breath and I land in the water.Opening my eyes I notice a light coming towards me. Suddenly I'm on my back with sunshine beaming into my eyes and waves of water from the pool splashing me.
near the beginning, you forgot a period after you say I say.ans also you said I heading to the high dive. but I really liked your story, it made me see a clear vision of what your story is about.
ReplyDeleteyou need a period after I say, it should be I head toward the high dive instead of I heading to the high dive. Other than those mistakes I thought your story was really great.
ReplyDeleteGood story. I am just a little confused on why your brother was splashing water in your face. You might want to make that more clear.
ReplyDeleteGreat story I think you could of used a comma after "do it" and also you need a space between "Opening."
ReplyDelete