Crowd Surfing
I never thought crowd surfing would get me to the hospital. I was on stage, lights were flashing, fans were singing, it was breathtaking and it seemed like the perfect time to jump.
The guitarist was doing his solo so I jumped and had the best time of my life.
"3, 2, 1" I said jumping face first. I could see the floor appearing, I thought they would catch me but the spot just grew and grew. I fell on my stomach and it felt like the floor punched me. I think I'll stay away from crowd surfing for a while.
I really like your story. It has great descriptive language. I think you should clean up the second sentence because it is a little confusing.
ReplyDeleteI really like the humour in your story but maybe instead of saying i remember like it just happened yesterday just say i remember like it was yesterday. but over all great story. :)
ReplyDeleteI like your creative idea for this story. You should remove the commas between 3 2 1 it should be only a space. You also need a comma between I could see the floor appearing, but I knew..... overall i really like your story though.
ReplyDeleteI like the thought of your story it's very creative. And yes, you need a comma between 1,2,and 3.
ReplyDelete